An Innocent Dream

An expression, two simple words. It should be pretty easy to say those. As easy as: How are you? But it ain’t. Those who really felt what they said, should know. I remember my first time. As good as it where yesterday, but it is a while ago now. Several months.

It was sunny, some clouds in the sky, but I felt warm anyway. We had been messing around, sending some SMS for fun to some of my friends. A regret hang in the air, not from her, or perhaps she regret some om the things we did together through that time, at least I know I had a heart full of regret. Not for what we had done, but what I had done. The shame where shadowing my face. I knew she knew it, but I wouldn’t realize the fact. Then it where over.

We had spent the entire day together. Just me and her. Watched one of the only TV-shows I could recognize my own personality in. We didn’t laugh. Not even once through the hole day. It felt strange. We kissed, yes, several times. But it had not the same passion from non of us, something strained us both, and tried to separate us.

It where getting towards the end, my buss where coming. We joked, and laughed for the first time all that day, I looked at her and said, I know you care about my. Smiled to her, her eyes smiled back, as her mouth said: “No… I love you!” I stunned my self, couldn’t move.  I watched her, “I love you to!” We kissed, the passion was there again, like never before. I looked in her eyes, thought for a moment I saw a tear, just for a moment. And then I knew it. It all where over. The stronger forces had separated us. Forever?

I stood there, right in the light. Sounds all around me. From every angle. From humans, from vehicles, from animals, and from the world itself. Perhaps those last sounds, those who comes from the world, is the once we should keep the focus on? I want things to have a meaning, a purpose or a symbolic interpretation. If you look closely, you’ll discover more - more than you could ever imagine.

Often I wonder if that moment, where magic. Something rare, special. Something soft, and expensive. For yes, that moment has ghosted me ever since, often in the sweetest, best and most wonderful ways, but it has become more a dream, then reality now. So long back in time.

There are moments like this, you actually wish could last for years. But often, the best things, only last for a small amount of time. I can still hear the rain falling around me. One after one, they splashes towards the ground. I remember the soft sound, your laughter. I also remember the endless warmth you shared with me.

Your eyes are like perfect diamonds. They are some of the most valuable objects in the world. They give hope to the needed once, make the blind once see yet again. Giving me a insurance of peace, peace in the world. They make me so calm, so caring. I really feel you, when I look into your soul.

I remember I looked at you for a long time. The rain where like confetti all around us, the street lamps like a disco ball, blinking on and off. There, at that place. I kissed you the first time. And I still remember it, as it where yesterday. It hunts me, some good, but lately … I miss it.

Many movies make the perfect image look like sun, grass, butterflies and clear sky. Well, I have a different view. You, me. Rain, light. All skies on the heaven, and your hair wet, and soft - downwards your shoulders. And the look on your face, when we look each other in the eyes, and share the inner secrets. That, is the perfect image!

The ocean whispers, directly to me. The words are scrambling, and the ocean waving. Goodbye! Often I sit here, alone in the sand. Everything around me is so quiet. Except from the soft touch. She is there with me. Right beside me in the sand, staring at the sun set. Her eyes wide open, not blinking, just keeping her focus.

The sun set is red, the wings of blood, all around us. A warning perhaps. But red is also love, pure and delicate. I try to touch her, but my fingers goes right trough. A cold wind blows around her. She is protected, not from me, but from the evil, and the power of the cruel once. She is protected, and I’d like it to keep that way. Only, I want to get to her.

Alone I am, really. I try to face it. Alone in the sun set, no future, only the past. The past which blows around me, like salt in the flesh wounds, of an injured soldiers. It hurt, and it’ll make scars. The pain might go away, but the past, the scars will be there forever. A sad reminder of what we had, and what went wrong.

I miss it really,  the touches. Your fingers slipping over my skin. Softly. I miss starring in your eyes, and see the true innocent there. I only wish it could be a solution to everything. But there ain’t. The world is not enough for you.